


Sherlock: Road trip from Hell

by TaxiCabtoNowhereland



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Deductions, Family, Fighting, Food Fights, Humor, Music, Mycroft and Sherlock being difficult, Mycroft ready to kill everyone, Police, Queen - Freeform, Road Trips, Some of these tags don't apply until other chapters are added, The Trashmen, brotherly fighting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-12
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-15 12:41:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1305202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaxiCabtoNowhereland/pseuds/TaxiCabtoNowhereland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Two egotistical geniuses, one armed Detective inspector, and a trigger happy army doctor all in a packed car for who knows how long. This was not going to end well." Mummy wants to see them all! what else can they do but go along for the ride?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mummy?!

**Author's Note:**

> Author Notes: Thought of this story at the dinner table. Couldn't resist. It'll be several chapters!
> 
> Warning: Swearing, mild violence
> 
> Characters Involved: Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes, Greg Lestrade, and John Watson (Mummy and Daddy Holmes later on)
> 
> Disclaimer: this amazing cast of characters does not belong to me in any way shape or form. They go to their respected creators. Yadda yadda yadda Sherlock isn't mine yadda yadda yadda.

Sherlock glared at John from across the table. Family dinner? Mummy hadn’t even been able to get Sherlock to go to family dinner, how had John been able to? Sherlock tried to remember how he’d done it when Mycroft’s voice pulled him from his reverie.

“Pass the peas.”

Sherlock watched the peas shuffle down to his end. He thanked them both and the meal continued on in silence everyone oblivious to Sherlock’s internal screaming.

“So how was everyone’s day?” John tried.

Sherlock stood. Breathing the same air with these people was one thing, trivial unimportant chit chat was the last straw.

The army doctor sighed, “Sherlock be reasonable.” He knew this would happen. Everyone moved at once to get the detective before he ran from the room. A phone rang.

Mycroft sighed watching the phone screen glow as an incoming caller came up. “Mummy?” Mycroft read aloud.

Sherlock froze mid-step. Leap frogging over Greg, he looked over Mycroft’s shoulder as he answered the phone. Mycroft shook off his younger brother escaping into the other room the lanky detective hot on his heels.

Greg watched the two linger in the hallway, after the phone snapped shut, for a moment. He’d never seen the two shaken like that. “They weren’t expecting her to call?” He asked John and he shrugged. Minutes later, the two came back crestfallen looks on their faces.

Greg couldn’t help himself. “Well?”

Mycroft looked at him. “Mummy somehow found out about our relations to you two and demands to meet you both.”

Greg looked at John and Sherlock before looking back at Mycroft. It was true they’d all tried to keep their relationships secret. Sherlock and Mycroft had dangerous jobs. Who knew what a person could do with that information.

John raised his eyebrow. “How did she find out about us?”

Mycroft looked at him, completely serious. “Mummy knows everything.” He said.

Greg stared at him, slightly scared, before shrugging. “Do you not want us to meet your mother?”

Sherlock was the first to react. “It’s not that. Mummy lives several hours away and we’d all have to pulled around a dinner table talking about the weather.” Sherlock bit out the last part.

Greg snorted. “Well, time to get out of your comfort zone. If your mothers half as scary as I think she is we’d better leave tomorrow.”

Mycroft sighed picking up his phone. “I’ll schedule a car to pick you up Gregory and a car to-”

“-We’re not all going together?” John interrupted.

“Together?” Mycroft repeated, looking at John, eyebrow raised.

“Like, together together?” Sherlock asked staring at John the same way.

“It’s not like I’m suggesting murder-” John said.

“Hours in a cramp car with the British government and his umbrella stuck up his arse and you might as well be.” Sherlock mumbled.

“-It’s just a road trip together.” John continued as if Sherlock hadn’t said anything. “We’ll all be able to bond.” Sherlock groaned just thinking about it.

“Though I don’t agree with the umbrella comment, I do believe Sherlock has a valid point about our being in the same car together. It would be easier on everyone involved if I just had two cars take us.” Mycroft said pulling out his phone.

“But Myc.” Greg said wrapping his arms around the man. “We just want you two to learn to get along a bit better. Please.” Mycroft looked at the man holding him and sighed snapping closed his phone.

“Fine.”

“Traitor.” Sherlock mumbled.

John elbowed him in the ribs. “So it’s settled. One car, all of us inside?” John asked. Sherlock opened his mouth to say something. John elbowed him again and he bit his tongue. John eyed him as he blinked back tears and Mycroft called his assistant, her name was Daphne now, to get the car.

“This is going to be fun.” John grinned and Greg mirrored the smile. the two began talking about what to bring along at the dinner table.

Sherlock stared daggers into Mycroft when he turned back to him. Mycroft shrugged. Greg’s happiness came before his own discomfort. Sherlock sighed falling dramatically onto his couch watching his deranged family plan the trip. Two egotistical geniuses, one armed Detective inspector, and a trigger happy army doctor all in a packed car for who knows how long. This was **not** going to end well.


	2. What's the word?

Sherlock sighed for the third time in seven minutes as they waited for the car. John had the audacity to pack snacks. This wasn’t a field trip!

John glared at Sherlock. If the man sighed one more time he’d be eating his scarf. He hoped he wouldn’t be like this the entire trip. He’d suggested the whole thing so they could all get closer. Why was it so hard to bring a family together?! Then again, this was Sherlock and Mycroft he was talking about. Everything had to be like pulling teeth with them.

“John. This isn’t a good idea.” Sherlock whined. John ignored him but secretly, he was started to think the same thing.

“Come on Sherlock, it’ll be fun. We can all hang out together and play I-Spy and tell stories.” He wondered if Sherlock could hear the doubt in his voice.  

“I stand by what I said.” Sherlock said and John sighed too.

"I’m sure you’ve been on a family road trip with Mycroft.” John said remembering, with a smile, his trips with his family as a child.

Sherlock shifted, “I remember my family and I once went to the Grand Canyon when I was younger.”

“See, it wasn’t that bad right?”

“We got halfway there and my father ended up having to stop at the hospital because my brother and I started an all-out fist fight in the back seat.” He stared at John. “I needed three stitches in my forehead.”

John blinked taking in the information. “well, you’re both adults now-“

“-Mycroft was 22.”

John had nothing to say to that. So he said nothing to Sherlock as a slick black car drove up to the side of the road. It wasn’t Mycroft’s usual car, Sherlock observed, it looked more like a Ford Fusion Hybrid. Mycroft sat behind the wheel and Greg waved at them from the passenger seat. John slid inside followed by Sherlock who shut the door after himself.

“and off we go.” John said. Mycroft took the car out of park and they rolled down the road

(-)

One hour. One hour of complete uncomfortable silence. Greg shifted in his seat looking at Mycroft driving. He had a stoic look on his face. His fingers held the steering wheel with a white knuckle grip. He looked in the rearview mirror at Sherlock and John. No one had barely said a word since they’d gotten into the car.

Greg cleared his throat. “So,” he began. Sherlock glared at him from the back. Even Mycroft cut his eyes at him from the driver’s seat.

Greg chuckled nervously. “Okay…I’ll shut up now.”

The silence returned and John looked around. “Um, I made a CD for the trip.” He held the CD out and Greg took it eagerly. Finally, something to fill the silence. Greg opened the CD deck pushing it inside. Several seconds passed.

_A-well-a, everybody's heard about the bird, Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word, A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word, A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, well, the bird is the word, A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word!_

Mycroft glared at John through the rearview mirror reaching forward to click to the next track. A woman’s voice began to hum before to a soft slow melody. she began to sing softly:

_A-well-a, everybody's heard about the bird, Bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word, A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word, A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, well, the bird is the word, A-well-a, bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word._

“John?” Greg asked looking back at him. John smiled widely watching Mycroft hit the next button over and over.

Mycroft growled. “This bloody song.” He smashed the next button.

Greg listened to each song one after another. A dubstep version, a salsa version, screamo, violin, how many more could there be? Mycroft wasn’t even paying attention to the road anymore, abusing the next button instead. A sharp clip interrupted the music and Mycroft hit another button.

“It won’t come out.” He growled louder.

Sherlock smirked, watching his brother suffer. A bubblegum pop version blasted through the stereos and Mycroft gave up stopping the car. “Greg, drive.”

“Why?”

“I may crash the car just to stop the music.” Greg didn’t need to be told anymore. He got out of the car and switched with Mycroft. The music continued and Mycroft growled back. “How many are there?!”

“One hundred and four.” John giggled.

“How?” Greg asked with a chuckle.

“It wasn’t easy. Took me four hours.”

Mycroft beat the stereo with his shoe. “Was it worth it?!”

John looked Mycroft up and down. “Completely.” He said, sitting back in his chair. Greg chuckled as the men beside him continued to argue. An opera version came on next.


	3. Food Fight

Mycroft tried to ignore the soft thud from the seat behind him. He’d switched back to driving when he’d finally gotten the Trashmen CD out and tossed it clear out the window. John hadn’t been pleased but Mycroft had never felt better and now they were listening to Greg’s phone. Everything had returned to the normal uncomfortable silence until sherlock started fussing again.

"Bored."  Sherlock said, squirming around in his seat in the back. John rolled his eyes popping a biscuit into his mouth. Greg turned back looking between the two while sherlock cut his eyes at him.

“Where did you get those?” Sherlock asked.

John didn’t answer him. He hadn’t been talking to him for several minutes. Greg hadn’t caught most of it but the two had apparently gotten in a fight in the back over the solar system again. That was normal for them but Sherlock just had to call John an idiot and now John was angry and giving Sherlock the silent treatment.

"John, give me some biscuits!"

"Sod off." John mumbled nibbling on his biscuits next to him.

"I said give me some biscuits!"

"and i told you to SOD OFF!" John barked back.

Sherlock yanked the bag, biscuits and crisps flying everywhere.

The car screeched to a stop as Mycroft slammed on the breaks. "Damn it Sherlock!" Mycroft yelled.

Everyone froze, it wasn't often Mycroft yelled.

"Stop your incessant fighting or i will leave you on the side of the bloody road.”

Everyone waited for his retort. Sherlock said nothing staring blankly at the back of Mycroft’s headrest.

Mycroft waited a beat before nodding to himself, pulled the car out of park, and started the car again.

Greg and John sighed in relief as tensions died down slowly. Maybe, for once, Sherlock would finally listen. But honestly, were they ever that lucky?

Everything stop when Mycroft was hit square in the head by a bag of skittles. The car slowed to a stop, the creak of the wheels deafening in the silence. Mycroft turned slowly to stare at Greg. “Please tell me that was you.”

Greg paled. They both knew who did it. “Um,-”

Mycroft raised a hand to silence him and he turned back, “Sherlock, i will-” His threat was cut short when a wet crisp smacked him directly in the cheek. They all watched the crisp slowly slip from his cheek and hit the carpeting almost in slow motion.

Sherlock’s smirk was the final straw and all hell broke loose.


	4. Brawls and Queen

“Ouch!”

“Oh quit whining you big baby.” John said, dabbing Sherlock’s eye.

“Aren’t you supposed to be kind to your patients.” Sherlock winced when the cold rag hit his bruised eye.

“Not when he’s a spoiled brat that instigated the fight and then got his ass kick.” John countered, dabbing his boyfriend’s blackening eye.

“It was a cheap shot and you know it! Besides, the small quarters played to his advantage.” Sherlock kicked the back of Mycroft’s seat.

Mycroft ignored him as Greg put a band aid over the cut on his cheek. He kissed it and Mycroft smiled at him. Several crisps hit the back of Mycroft’s head.

“Dear brother, i’d refrain from throwing food before i inevitably snap, drive into oncoming traffic, and kill us all in retaliation.” Several crisps hitting the back of his head answered him. He gripped the wheel harder. “So be it.”

“Mycroft Holmes, you will not kill us all because your brother is throwing food at you!” Several crisps hit the back of Greg’s head and he growled. “You want to die Holmes!”

“Not really.” Sherlock said, turning back toward John in his seat.

Greg growled again and turned forward trying to ignore the smirk on Mycroft’s face. Sherlock looked out the window.

"Stop the car," he said as a convenience store rolled by. "I need more crisps."

"Not on your life."

"I'm kind of hungry too." John said.

Greg smiled to himself. "I could use some food."

Mycroft glared at them all before turning around and parking in the lot. "You all have exactly twenty seven minutes. Anyone who isn't here in that time will be abandoned." Sherlock rolled his eyes hopping out of the car.

Greg opened his door. "Gregory." He looked over. "Don't let him leave the store with any projectiles." Greg nodded kissing the side of Mycroft's face. He followed after John and Sherlock before the car horn got his attention again. "Bring me back a coffee." Greg nodded again and slipped into the store

(-)

"Sherlock, can I have a gummy worm?" Greg asked. He nodded handing one to Greg. He thanked him and Sherlock reached into the bag again. "Mycroft, do you want one?"

"Fine," he reached back for it. Seconds later, he felt the gummy worm bounce against his neck and fall into his suit jacket.

"Nice throw." John mumbled snacking on his popcorn.

Greg looked over to Mycroft. His face was emotionless as he pulled the car over, slowed to a complete stop, stepped out and pulled Sherlock clean out through his window.

John stared wide eyed. "Mycroft! Don't-"

Greg stopped him. "Let it be. They have to get it out now or we'll have to deal with it the entire ride."

John thought it over and sighed. "Whoever’s starts bleeding first has to go break it up."

Sherlock swung out making contact with Mycroft’s nose.

"is he bleeding?" john asked. greg looked over. Mycroft tackled Sherlock to the ground.

"no, hes fine."

john and greg watched from a distance as the two turned into a mass of limbs kicking up dust and dirt.

greg shook his head. "roll up the window." he said and John nodded. Greg took a sip of his coffee and looked out his window long enough to see Mycroft slap Sherlock in the face. "Toss me a gummy worm." Greg said and John smiled handing him the pouch.

John leaned forward turning up the music. The sound of Queen blasted through the stereo over the sounds of battle. Outside the window, Sherlock and Mycroft rolled into a ditch.


	5. Deductions

"This is all your fault." Greg mumbled. He looked in the passenger side mirror at the police car parked behind them.

"Me? How is it my fault?” Mycroft said.

Greg crossed his arms. “it just is. Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected suddenly snaps and now were getting a ticket.”

“If Sherlock had stopped we wouldn’t be in this situation” Mycroft mumbled under his breath. He growled when Sherlock kicked the back of his seat.

"You need to control your temper!" Greg snapped at them both.

"Everyone quiet" John barked over them as the officer exited his vehicle.

Mycroft rolled down his window as the officer approached. "Is there a problem officer?" he asked putting on his best practiced smile.

The officer looked over Mycroft. "I got a call about a disturbance. Apparently two grown men were fighting in a ditch and two others were blaring Queen inside the car. That wouldn’t be you would it?”

Mycroft shook his head. “'m terribly sorry officer. I-"

"-what's taking you so long?!" Sherlock asked rolling down the window. Sticking his curly head out, he glanced over the officer. "Shameless aren't we Officer...Hendrick?" he asked reading the officer’s name tag.

John elbowed him. "Sherlock, No!"

"Excuse me sir?" Officer Hendrick said, raising an eyebrow.

"Your wife is home taking care of your children and you have the gall to be out here fornicating with prostitutes."

Officer Hendrick’s face mixed between emotions of shock and anger before crumbling into guilt. "Sir i don't know-"

"Who is that woman in the back seat of your police vehicle?"

Everyone turned to look at the slightly tossed woman smoking a cigarette in the back of the police car.

The officer crossed his arms. "I don't believe that’s any of your-"

"-No it's not but when you stop us for rough housing when only seconds ago you were fornicating with a prostitute in the back seat of your own police car it becomes my business." Sherlock tried to ignore the sting of John pinching him.

Officer Hendrick look completely defenseless. "we weren't-"

"You have several hickeys on your neck that you've tried, and failed if i may add, to cover with your collar” He leaned out further, looking him over. “You also have some smeared lipstick on your cuff. I’d fix that before you return to the misses.”

John grabbed Sherlock’s arm. “Not now John, i’m on a roll.” John gave up leaning against the window. Sherlock turned back to the officer. “Now where was I?” He smiled. “Oh yes, you're cheating.”

“Sherlock…” He shushed Greg and continued.

“You have a blonde hair on your left shoulder that looks to match that woman's in shade and length." Officer Hendrick plucked the hair quickly before shifting under Sherlock’s gaze. "You also smell of woman's perfume and unless i’m mistaken i’d say you’re not a fan of wearing such a flowery scent because i can smell a musky cologne caught underneath the flowery death.” He leaned onto his elbow resting his head in his hand.

Sherlock pointed toward the car. “From your car behind us i can make out a picture of what, three children and a woman, possibly their mother. She's not dead or the picture would possibly be framed, sentiment and all that. So what i've gathered is that you're an unfaithful husband with a  wife at home with three kids no doubt tired and overworked waiting for you to come back alive while you screw prostitutes in the back seat of your police car. Did i get anything wrong?"

Everyone was silent for a beat before the officer finally spoke. “Is she really waiting at home for me?”

“No, she’s out having an affair of her own.”

Officer Hendrick opened his mouth but Sherlock cut him short. “Please, three children, an unfaithful husband who’s terrible at hiding it and a big empty house. What would you do? Oh wait, you’re already doing it”

Silence fell over them all again as the officer continued to stare at Sherlock. Everyone looked between the two while trying to not make it obvious. Finally, Officer Hendrick snapped back to reality, closed his mouth, straightened his collar, tipped his hat and walked back to his car before driving away without another word.

Sherlock rolled up his window and sat back against the seat. A grin broke out over his face. "I just got you out of a ticket. You're welcome."

No one said a word as they started the car and drove away.


	6. Hoofin' It

Mycroft sighed. Sherlock and John had finally fallen asleep in the back seat. Nuzzled up against each other, the sight was almost endearing. except for the fact that they both snored. Mycroft's mind began to wander to the thoughts of Thelma and Louise-ing it over a hillside for the seventh time in the last ten minutes. He shook his head. No one was dying today.

Snore

_I will not crash the car and kill us all in a fiery inferno, I will not crash the car and kill us all in a fiery inferno_ he repeated to himself in a little mantra.

Another ridiculously loud snore came from the back. "I'm gonna kill them." Greg reached into the back.

"Don't. Too many witnesses." Mycroft mumbled. Greg watched the two cuddle up to each other in the back. It reminded him of the fact that he hadn't slept in hours.

Greg yawned and turned on his side.

"You're not going to keep me company?" Mycroft asked keeping his eyes on the road.

Greg turned over. "Can't." He mumbled. "Too tired."

Mycroft chuckled when he noticed that even Greg's breathing had evened out. He waited.

_SNORE!_

He chuckled, half wondering when Greg would realize that he too snored in his sleep.

(-)

Greg awoke to the smell of smoke. He jumped up looking around him. The car wasn’t moving anymore. Instead, they were parked on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere.

He checked the back seat to find the others still asleep. Rolling down his window, he looked into the front of the car where all the smoke was coming from.

“Damn it!” Mycroft said pulling back his hand as hot steam jutted out at him. He looked up. “Oh, evening Gregory.”

“Evening?! What happened?!”

Mycroft looked from the car to him. “How should i know? I’m not a mechanic. The car went boom.”

Greg took a deep breath. “I understand that Myc. Why did it go ‘boom’?”

“I think it overheated but my knowledge of assembling car engines begins and ends at nothing Gregory.” He poked at what he only assumed was a spark plug. “Any suggestions?”

“Call a mechanic.”

Mycroft rolled his eyes. “You’re right. What was i thinking? I’ve been sitting here for twenty minutes trying to fix a complex automobile engine and never thought to call a professional. Silly me, i’ll get right on that.” Mycroft held up his phone. “Well would you look at that, No service.”

“You could have said that without being a prick.” Greg said back.

Someone stirred behind him. “What’s with all the smoke?” John grumbled unlacing himself from Sherlock.

“Mycroft broke the car. We have no phone service either.”

John stretched a bit assessing the situation. “I saw a horror movie like that once.”

“Not helping john.”

John shrugged. “We’ll have to walk.”

“Doesn’t the secret service have a tracker on you or something?” Greg hollered out the window.

“No. I have one on them. There’s a difference.” came the reply.

Greg sat back again. “Wake Sherlock up, we’re walking.”

John nodded waking the detective. Mycroft finally gave up and looked over the map. “were about ten miles from the closest town. That’s at least a three hour walk. I’ll call a mechanic from there and he’ll tow us the rest of the way to Mummy’s.”

Sherlock shielded his face against the blowing wind. “You’re going alone?”

Mycroft rolled up the map. “Of course not.” he said with an eyeroll. “You’re coming with me.”

Sherlock looked over to John. “He’s talking to you.”

Mycroft patted Sherlock on the head with the rolled up map. “I most certainly am not.” He said with a smile. “Now come along. It will be dark before we get there if we don’t hurry up.”

Sherlock scowled but reluctantly followed after him.

John watched them go. “...They’re going to die.”

Greg nodded slowly before getting back into the car. And now, they wait.


	7. Taxi!

Mummy Holmes popped the chicken into the oven with a smile. Her sons had promised to come to see her and even stay for dinner, not that they really had a choice in the matter. She checked the clock hanging on the wall of their kitchen. They should be there soon.

Speak of the devil, the doorbell rang. With a skip in her step, Mrs. Holmes answered the door.

To have Sherlock fall inside.

"Sherlock?!" She looked down at her baby. He looked as if he'd been beaten within an inch of his life and dragged through the mud. "Darling, who hurt you?"

Sherlock raised a weak finger to point at Mycroft who stumbled in next in no better condition. "If you love me you'll disown him." Sherlock managed before falling limp in his mother's arms. Mrs. Holmes looked between the two of them as Mycroft shrugged his ruined suit jacket off his tired sore shoulders.

Mrs. Holmes dragged Sherlock to the couch before tending to Mycroft. "I'm fine Mummy." He said trying to stop her hands as she applied another bandage to his face. Mrs. Holmes looked over to Sherlock, now unconscious, on the couch before staring at Mycroft who scratched the heart patterned band aids on his face.

"What on earth happened to you two?"

The front door opened before Mycroft could answer. John looked in meekly before Mrs. Holmes met him at the door. She inspected him next. He didn't look too worse for wear, a few scuffs here and there. "John?" She asked and he nodded. A smile branched out over her face as Greg appeared behind him . "And you must be Greg then. It's so good to met you two" She kissed both of their cheeks and looked over the men. All of them looked tired (well, Sherlock was unconscious on the couch) and ready to kill anything that came within three feet of them.

"Alright, someone explain." Mrs. Holmes crossed her arms waiting for someone to speak.

Mycroft said nothing staggering over to Sherlock and fell on top of him. Sherlock batted at him. "get off me!" he said lazily.

Mycroft curled in on himself. "Can't move. Deal with it." he mumbled before curling in next to him to sleep. Sherlock sighed in defeat and fell asleep shortly after him.

And then there were three. Mrs. Holmes looked at her unconscious filthy children on her couch before turning to John and Greg. She waited.

Greg looked from John to Mrs. Holmes before rubbing the back of his head. "It's a long, painful story." he began. "But i think i left something in the car so John will have to explain." he ran.

John damned himself for not thinking that quickly. The door slammed shut behind Greg and the two stood in silence. Mrs. Holmes coughed. "they're going to be unconscious for a while and Greg seems to have left some nonexistent item in the car. I have all night dear." she smiled sweetly.

John paled. "Um, see. what had happened was-"

"So they finally made it?!" Mr. Holmes said, coming down the stairs. He stared at his two sons curled in on each other probably staining his couch and his wife giving a man he'd never seen before the evil eye. If he was a smart man, he would have gone back upstairs then and there. But he wasn't, so instead he poked Mycroft softly and he opened an eye. "Why?" he asked. Mycroft whined a bit before laying his head back down. Mr. Holmes looked around. His wife was now directing the evil eye at him. "Um, i'm going back upstairs." He left.

John sighed, alone again. Now or never. He sat down in a chair by the couch and Mrs. Holmes followed him. This was going to be a long talk.

(-)

Hours later, Mrs. Holmes looked across the table at John and Greg. They'd just finished dinner and, after she'd shown them through several baby books and given them enough blackmail material to hold over Mycroft and Sherlock forever, they now sat at the kitchen table each with a cup of tea. "Well wasn't this fun?" Mrs. Holmes said cheerily.

Sherlock glared more holes into the soapy sponge in his hands. "Oodles." he bit out.

Mycroft whacked him with the towel. "Keep going." he hissed and the two continued doing the dishes.

Mrs. Holmes frowned at the two mumbling by the sink, probably planning their demise, and turned back to Greg and John. "I'm sorry, my boys can be rude. You must have had your hands full in a car with them."

Greg didn't even want to think about it. "yeah, it was...different. Not like the road trips i took as a kid."

Mr. Holmes smiled. "Road trips don't sit well with this family. Ever since the Grand Canyon."

"Or Niagara Falls." Mrs. Holmes chimed in.

"Or Paris"

"Mycroft wouldn't stop touching me!" Sherlock snapped from behind a sea of suds.

"you nearly tossed your brother off the structure!"

"He would have been fine." Sherlock said.

"We were discharged from the Eiffel Tower!" Mr. Holmes said back.

Mrs. Holmes smiled at the memories. "The two fought the entire way home. Even had to have the Air Marshal sit them down and explain why you can't attack each other with sporks on a plane full of people."

John smiled at the thought. "That sounds like them."

Mycroft wanted nothing more than for this night to end. He looked at the clock. "Well" he said, setting down his dish towel. "it's getting late."

Mrs. Holmes looked around the room. "But you just got here. Can't you stay the night?"

Mycroft kissed her cheek before hugging his father. "I'm sorry Mummy. I have work in the morning as do the others." Mycroft checked his phone. "The car is ready to go anyway."

Mrs. Holmes didn't seem to happy about it and neither were John and Greg. "Um," John began. "Can't we just stay the night…or go in separate cars…" John mumbled the last bit.

Sherlock looked up from his mountain of dish bubbles. A mischievous twinkle entered his eyes and a smile cracked over his face. "And miss out on all the fun?!" He grabbed John's arm, kissed his mother, hugged his father, and started for the door.

"Greg?!" John yelled.

Greg was too busy being pulled along to help him. He pulled out his phone thanking the gods for phone service and typed in a number.

"Who are you calling?" Mycroft asked.

"A taxi. No way in hell i'm getting back into a car with you three."

Mycroft chuckled and the two watched from the side lines as Sherlock all but tossed John into the car and jumped in after him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! We're done! I had a lot of fun writing all this and i hope you enjoyed it! Thank you for reading  
> Cheers!
> 
> TaxiCabtoNowhereland


End file.
